One of the most pressing questions in American politics has finally been answered: Who would Elizabeth Warren most want to smoke copious amounts of weed with?
Warren recently went on the left-leaning political podcast Pod Save America, where she was asked by host Jon Favreau (not to be confused with the director of Iron Man) who her “dream blunt rotation” would be. Warren seemed disinterested in smoking weed with most of her Washington D.C. colleagues, but lit up, for some reason, at the chance to smoke with Dwayne Johnson (aka “The Rock”). The Hill reports:
Favreau then went on to list President Biden, Vice President Harris, Sen. Bernie Sanders (I-Vt.), Treasury Secretary Janet Yellen, and Sen. Ed Markey (D-Mass.) as possible members of a hypothetical marijuana smoking session before getting to Johnson — the actor and former professional wrestler.
At the mention of Johnson, Warren said, “Oh, ‘The Rock!’ Oh, I’m stopping there.” She said she would just choose him “four times.”
It’s not totally clear why Warren prefers a rich movie star to one of her political co-workers. Maybe she thinks he’ll be President someday. Or maybe she just wanted Favreau to move on to a less stupid part of the conversation.
Moving on to a more serious part of the conversation around Warren: A potential political usurper has launched a bid against her. It was reported on Tuesday that a “cryptocurrency lawyer” named John Deaton has announced a campaign to unseat Warren. Deaton, who runs a small law practice in Massachusetts, says that he wants to be a “champion” for America’s “underdogs.” While Deaton has been dubbed a “crypto lawyer” due largely to his involvement with a lawsuit involving the SEC and Ripple Labs, his law firm’s webpage talks, mostly, about defending victims of asbestos exposure and people suffering from mesothelioma. Deaton tweets copiously about crypto, however.
As should be obvious, you’d be hard-pressed to find a guy with less in common with Warren, politically, than Deaton. Elizabeth Warren has repeatedly criticized crypto, noting that it is rife with fraud and scams; Deaton, meanwhile, is one of its principal defenders. Warren, who has long preached the gospel of middle-class uplift, has spent much of her long tenure in politics seeking stronger consumer protections and financial reform; Deaton claims he represents the little guy but is a champion of an industry that arguably sees said guy as a rube to be bilked. He also has no political experience.
Critics of Warren have long accused her of being all talk, a strategy that Deaton, himself, has now deployed. “Elizabeth Warren, well she promised to be a champion for those in need. Instead, she gives lectures and plays politics and gets nothing done for Massachusetts,” says Deaton in his recent campaign ad.
Deaton, who was raised in Detroit, says that he is a cancer survivor, a former Marine, and that he suffered through a poverty-stricken childhood filled with misery. How a guy goes through all that and then decides to devote his life to crypto, I’m not sure. Deaton has said that the story of crypto is “much like my own: it is a story of survival and evolution, not just for the few but for the many,” though he seems to have left out the part where crypto has defrauded Americans out of billions of dollars.
One thing’s for sure: Cryptocurrency, Deaton’s fave, is not helping middle-class families. Instead, it’s just encouraging them to empty their wallets into speculative investments that, more often than not, end up being giant scams. In short: Even an Elizabeth Warren who has just taken four massive hits off The Rock’s smoldering blunt—and, thus, is in the process of slipping in and out of consciousness while staring four Dwayne Johnsons—stands a better chance at helping everyday Americans than a person who thinks Bitcoin is a bankable concept.
