“The other side’s dignity may not mean much to you, but it means everything to them.”
— William Ury
William Ury (@WilliamUryGTY), cofounder of Harvard’s Program on Negotiation, is one of the world’s best-known and most influential experts on negotiation. He is coauthor of Getting to Yes, the all-time best selling negotiation book in the world, the author of one of my favorite books on negotiation (Getting Past No: Negotiating in Difficult Situations), and author of the new book: Possible: How We Survive (and Thrive) in an Age of Conflict.
He has served as a mediator in boardroom battles, labor conflicts, and civil wars around the world. An avid hiker, he lives in Colorado.
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#721: Master Negotiator William Ury — Proven Strategies and Amazing Stories from Warren Buffett, Nelson Mandela, Kim Jong Un, Hugo Chávez, and More
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What was your favorite quote or lesson from this episode? Please let me know in the comments.
Want to hear my most recent interview with Jim Collins, the man who inspired William Ury to write Possible? Listen to our conversation here in which we discussed the point allocation between dark force motivations and light force motivations, why you should never hesitate to reach out to mentors and people who have been instrumental in shaping your life, influential biographies, crafting good questions, creativity-tracking spreadsheets, the 20-minute rule, the value of clock building over time telling, and much more. You can find my first conversation with Jim Collins here.
#483: Jim Collins on The Value of Small Gestures, Unseen Sources of Power, and More
SELECTED LINKS FROM THE EPISODE
- Connect with William Ury:
SHOW NOTES
- [06:53] Connecting with Roger Fisher.
- [10:08] Devising Seminars.
- [12:31] Negotiating the Camp David Accords.
- [18:23] Writing the other side’s victory speech.
- [21:17] Writing Kim Jong-un’s victory speech.
- [26:20] Pondering possibilities in the modern Middle East.
- [29:26] Lessons from iconic possibilist Nelson Mandela.
- [32:17] Going to the balcony.
- [36:11] Mitigating the risk of emotional spiraling with Hugo Chávez.
- [40:50] The power of silence.
- [44:09] Respect and saving face.
- [51:08] Best alternative to a negotiated agreement (BATNA).
- [1:02:49] The trust menu.
- [1:06:29] The positive no.
- [1:12:14] Closing on a positive note.
- [1:14:56] What prompted William to write Possible?
- [1:19:38] Negotiating as a creative endeavor.
- [1:22:48] Sabbatical considerations.
- [1:23:56] Exercise and self-care routines.
- [1:29:27] Uncovering interests, not just positions.
- [1:35:18] Hopes for the impact of Possible.
- [1:37:25] Parting thoughts.
MORE WILLIAM URY QUOTES FROM THE INTERVIEW
“No one likes to make a hard decision, but everybody loves to criticize.”
— William Ury
“Work backwards, think about what victory would look like, and then work forwards.”
— William Ury
“Maybe the greatest power you have in a negotiation is the power not to react. It’s the power to go to the balcony instead.”
— William Ury
“Silence is one of your very best tools in a negotiation. The art of pausing.”
— William Ury
“The other side’s dignity may not mean much to you, but it means everything to them.”
— William Ury
“A persuasive negotiator is someone who’s a persuasive listener. Because when you listen to someone, you are seeing them, you are hearing them, you’re attuning to them. You ask them questions. What is it that you really want here? You’re showing interest in them. That is the basic level of respect. And in addition to that, it gives you a lot of information about what they want so that you can more effectively influence them to arrive at something that satisfies their needs and satisfies yours at the same time.”
— William Ury
“My whole life has been, in some ways, a study of the words ‘yes’ and ‘no.’”
— William Ury
“The path to possible is to go to the balcony, build a golden bridge, and take the third side. Influence yourself, influence the other, influence the whole.”
— William Ury
“My dream is if I were a Martian anthropologist right now looking at humanity and I’d say, ‘Wow, we live in this time of paradox because we have so much abundance, so much potential, so much opportunity to make the world better. We’ve got the technology, we’ve got AI, we’ve got all this stuff.’ At the same time, what’s in our way? There’s no limit to what we could do. There’s no opportunity we can’t realize. There’s no problem we can’t solve if only we can learn to work together.”
— William Ury
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