““There’s this moment, especially when I’ve taken care of someone for a while, where I’ll walk outside and I’ll go fill up my gas tank and it’s like: Wow, all these other people have no idea that we just lost someone great. The world lost somebody great, and they’re getting a sandwich.” ”
Hospice nurses get a firsthand glance at how people approach the afterlife — how they plan for it, how they feel about it and how they get there.
Hadley Vlahos, a 31-year-old hospice nurse outside of New Orleans and the author of “The In-Between: Unforgettable Encounters During Life’s Final Moments,” spoke with the New York Times about those moments. She said she’s watched people who have been sick for years have no funeral requests, and has seen patients who have celebrated their 100th birthday — or are close to it — and are ready to die.
“I have spent enough time around people who are close to 100, over 100, to know that once you start burying your children, you’re ready,” she told the New York Times. “Personally, I’ve never met someone 100 or older who still wants to be alive.” They see their lives full of people, and as time goes on, those people move on to the afterlife. Eventually, they do too, she said.
See: Planning to die at home? Here are 5 things to consider first.
Vlahos has 1.7 million followers on TikTok.
But not everyone is ready — such as those who are sick. She mentioned one instance when a patient with cancer for three years died, and her family said they had never discussed if she wanted to be buried or cremated. “It’s against that culture of ‘You’re going to beat this,’” she said in the interview.
End-of-life planning, such as estate planning, can require many difficult conversations for families to have, but the sooner those conversations and documents are established, the easier it will be for loved ones when decisions must be made. These plans include burial or cremation requests, as well as how the deceased would like to divide any assets or be remembered. During these tough talks, families can focus on “peace of mind,” said Faron Daugs, a certified financial planner and chief executive of Harrison Wallace Financial Group.
Despite her experiences, she said she’s still uncertain of what’s ahead. “The uncertainty I have is what after this life looks like,” she said. “People ask me for those answers, and I don’t have them. No one does.”
