Combining finances wasn’t the easiest thing for me and my husband to do. After all, we’d both lived solo for several years before getting together, and we were used to having complete control over our own money. It wasn’t easy to relinquish that control to some degree.
Now, it’s hardly a secret that money is a big source of conflict in relationships. And my husband and I never wanted that to be the case for us.
Rest assured, we’ve found other things to argue over throughout the years, like who gets which side of the bed. But thankfully, money-related conflict has been kept to a minimum. And a big reason boils down to the ground rules we set when we first opened a joint bank account. Here’s what those entailed.
1. No spending more than $100 on personal purchases without asking each other
Even before we had kids, it was common for my husband and I to spend upward of $100 at a time buying groceries. So if one of us was running to the supermarket or Costco, we bought what we needed to without calling the other from the checkout aisle to confirm that a $140 grocery tab was OK.
However, when it came to personal purchases — things like clothing, electronics, or concert tickets — we agreed to check with each other if we were looking at spending more than $100. The overwhelming majority of the time, we said yes to one another when those requests came up. But that way, we didn’t have to harbor feelings of resentment or wonder why our checking account balance was suddenly much smaller.
Incidentally, this is a rule my husband and I continue to follow. We’ve since raised that $100 cap because, you know, inflation. But it’s a good system that works for us.
2. No opening a CD without checking in
When I managed my own money, I’d sometimes be tempted to open a certificate of deposit on a whim. But tying up a chunk of money for a period of time is a big deal. So my husband and I agreed that we’d consult one another before making that move independently.
This year, we’ve opened a few CDs to take advantage of higher rates. But we also had to sit down and talk through those decisions — namely, to make sure we didn’t need the money for other purposes.
3. No signing up for recurring expenses without making sure the other was OK with it
When you share your money, any ongoing expense one of you takes on is an expense you end up sharing. That’s why another rule we set was to ask one another before signing up for any sort of ongoing service, whether it was a gym membership or a cable channel upgrade.
To this day, we still check in with one another even for a seemingly minor expense. Just recently, we upgraded our Hulu bundle to stop getting ads. I didn’t mind the ads because I hardly watch Hulu, but they bothered my husband, who watches more often than I do. Even though it’s only a $10 monthly upgrade, my husband asked if I was cool with it before moving forward.
Sharing a bank account means combining your finances to at least some degree. It’s important to get on the same page about managing and spending that money. If you’re new to this arrangement, I highly recommend sitting down with your partner and establishing some ground rules as we did. They’ve definitely helped us avoid bitter feelings and conflict over the past 17-plus years.
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