Domestic abuse takes many forms. It can target a partner, an elder or a child. Sometimes an abuser can impact all three groups spreading their exploitation across generations.
The mistreatment may be sexual. It is almost always violent. In addition, emotional trauma is always a consequence.
Another component that is always present in all forms of domestic violence, but often goes unnoticed is financial abuse.
Abusers, like rapists, are not primarily interested in sex or violence. The main thing they want is power and control.
The National Domestic Violence Hotline defines abuse as “a pattern of behaviors used by one partner to maintain power and control over another partner in an intimate relationship.”
The Toll of Financial Abuse
We are all familiar with toxic relationships. Some of us have lived through them. Others have not survived.
The toll of deaths and physical as well as emotional damage from all forms of partner, child, and elder abuse is not known. That’s because so many victims try to hide their torment. However, more cases are uncovered every day and the costs impact all of society.
According to the Pennsylvania Coalition Against Domestic Violence (PCADV), victims of financial abuse lose about $53,000 of wages over the course of their lives. Much of that comes in the eight million days of paid work lost to financial abuse each year.
Those lost work days not only impact victims – but they also take a financial toll on the economy. Over $1.3 trillion of workplace productivity is lost due to financial abuse, according to the PCADV.
Most Common Form of Abuse
One study cited by the University of Wisconsin’s Center for Financial Security reports that 98 percent of abused women suffered physical violence. However, even more, 99 percent endured financial abuse.
“Financial abuse, while less commonly understood, is one of the most powerful methods of keeping a survivor trapped in an abusive relationship and deeply diminishes the victim’s ability to stay safe after leaving an abusive partner.” – National Network to End Domestic Violence (NNEDV).
Spoting Financial Abuse
Financial abuse is often hard to spot. Physical abuse often results in injuries such as bruises, black eyes – even broken bones. Financial abuse does not leave such tell-tale signs. However, the damage runs just as deep.
Partner abuse and elder abuse follow similar patterns
The Abuser’s Approach
Abusers usually come in the form of charming can artists or thuggish bullies.
That charmer’s approach appears to be caring. They offer to relieve their victims of the “burden” of looking after finances. They make this pitch after gaining trust.
Often abusers of partners or elders suggest that they hand out an “allowance” to their victims. Usually, this allowance dwindles over time. In addition, control of financial accounts may have been hijacked by the abuser.
The NNEDV reports that “. . .by the time the victim decides she or he wants to take back control of the finances, she or he discovers that the accounts have all been moved or she or he no longer has knowledge or access to the family funds.”
The more direct form of abuse is accompanied by violence or the threat of violence. The abuser simply takes control of all funds through intimidation.
In either case, there are many common methods abusers of partners and elders use. According to PsychCentral some of them include:
- being pressured to give money
- being kept from work or seeking employment
- experiencing employment sabotage
- not having access to personal or joint accounts
- being uninformed about password and login changes
- not having input on expenditures
- being berated for small spending
- having to ask for money for basic needs
- not listed as an owner on the legal paperwork for assets
- working excessively to cover a partner’s expenditures or lifestyle
- feeling unworthy or incapable of financial decisions
- valuables or funds go missing
- debt is racking up
- unauthorized loans or credit cards appear under your name
- being asked to share financial or identity information early in the relationship
- financial information sharing is one-sided
Financial Abuse of Children
The financial abuse of children takes a slightly different form than the abuse of partners and elders.
Children are financially abused by parents, a parent’s partner, or a guardian. The abuse can be overt or covert. In either case, the abuser steals the identity of the child by using personal information for financial gain, according to The National Foundation to End Child Abuse and Neglect or ENDCAN. As an example, the abuser might use a child’s personal information to get a credit card, a loan, or make a large purchase they can not afford.
Lasting Impact
The end result is that the child is saddled with serious debt and damaged credit that can follow him/her into adulthood. Consequently, bad credit and debt may drag the child into poverty. A bad credit score can make it hard to find a place to live or get a car.
Sure, with hard work and discipline, you can rebuild your credit. However, that may take years.
For someone entering adulthood totting a load of bad debt and a poor credit score, their childhood financial abuse is life-altering. They may have to forget about a college education and the career it would offer. After all, education costs money and you do not often get college loans when you have not paid your debts
Furthermore, the victim usually does not find out about their abuse until well after it has occurred. They usually learn that their credit has been ruined just when they need it most – to get that college loan or move into their own home.
Spotting Financial Abuse of Children
If a child gets a credit report or financial information in their name, they may be the target of financial abuse. A parent, parent’s partner or guardian taking gift money or earned money from a child may also be a sign of financial abuse.
Some parents do not realize the harm they are causing their children. If that is the case, ENDCAN suggests talking to the parents, but only if that seems safe. Another way a parent or legal guardian can protect their child is to place a freeze on the child’s credit report.
Breaking From Your Abuser
It is tempting, when you see abuse, to wonder why the victims don’t just leave. The simple answer is that they don’t have the means. With a wrecked credit score and no money, it is difficult to find safe and affordable housing. However, victims can get help.
Escaping an abuser takes preparation. You have to have a plan for getting away and a safe place to go. Your first step may be to get legal help. A good domestic law attorney will know your legal rights, strategies, and where to get safe shelter and counseling.
You may also be able to find a safe place to stay by contacting domesticshelters.org. This organization maintains a database of local shelters around the country.
Another resource for counseling and assistance is the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-7233. The hotline is staffed 24 hours a day.
When you leave, you should try to take originals or copies of as many financial documents as possible, suggests Debt.org. Those could include Social Security cards of you and your children; passports, the deed to your house, life insurance policy, vaccine records, driver’s license, and work permits.
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